当路上情侣手牵着手，甜甜的，幸福的，沉溺在不止于夏日的爱情，依偎着彼此漫步于落叶飘零的秋末，形影单只的我与他们擦身而过。我的心情又是什么味道的呢？
心情有如幽幽古潭，深邃宁静。
我想我是看开了。。。不，更贴切的应该是说我比几个月前的那个我稍微较能释怀了，不会再为他心神不安和恍惚，情绪更不会再为他起伏跌宕，让自己难受。
伤疤真的痊愈了吗？真的不会再痛了吗？说实在的，我没有十足的把握。但是，我不去想，不去烦，不去愁，也不会去寻找还不是时候知道的解，它有它到来的步调。
秋初七里香盛开，怡人香气弥漫的那一刻，心是多么的碎，碎的多么彻底；秋末七里香失色，香气无从寻觅的这一刻，心碎的痕迹却已是似有若无般。
五个月后的我，嘴角微微上扬，脚步轻快得在回家的路。
Sunday, June 15, 2008
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
一切顺其自然！
我对爱情是有渴望的，总是在等待那个他的出现，一年，两年，三年。。。都过去了，发现的呢，只是那个持续等待的自己。当遇上心仪的他，不是被那个他拒绝，就是被这个他飞了。。。到了如今，除了渴望，还多了一点害怕，害怕受伤。
但最近呢，我遇到他，嗅到了些许喜欢的萌芽。
我和他没有不期而遇的悸动，没有老式情书的感动，更没有浪漫玫瑰的甜蜜，有的只是简简单单的开始。
从我和他的对话中，我看到了他的点点滴滴。
他。。。有点孩子气，有点小任性，有点闷骚，有点难缠，有点小气，有点懒散，有点贪吃。。。
他。。。有份贴心，有份幽默，有份担当，有份坦率，有份勇气，有份顾家，有份主见，有份节俭。。。
我是喜欢他的，而我也明白他对我的感觉。。。他跟我告白了。但是，我拒绝了他。我告诉他我需要时间，也不想操之过急，想要一步一步慢慢来。我不想要昙花一现的爱情。他了解我的心绪，所以也没给我什么压力。
怎么办呢？
心情满复杂地。。。我只能不断的告诉自己，“一切顺其自然！”。
但最近呢，我遇到他，嗅到了些许喜欢的萌芽。
我和他没有不期而遇的悸动，没有老式情书的感动，更没有浪漫玫瑰的甜蜜，有的只是简简单单的开始。
从我和他的对话中，我看到了他的点点滴滴。
他。。。有点孩子气，有点小任性，有点闷骚，有点难缠，有点小气，有点懒散，有点贪吃。。。
他。。。有份贴心，有份幽默，有份担当，有份坦率，有份勇气，有份顾家，有份主见，有份节俭。。。
我是喜欢他的，而我也明白他对我的感觉。。。他跟我告白了。但是，我拒绝了他。我告诉他我需要时间，也不想操之过急，想要一步一步慢慢来。我不想要昙花一现的爱情。他了解我的心绪，所以也没给我什么压力。
怎么办呢？
心情满复杂地。。。我只能不断的告诉自己，“一切顺其自然！”。
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Road to fix speaker volume...
Me: “Ermmm… Cat, can you help me out?”
Cat: “What?”
Me: “… … Ermmm… Can you tell me how to change my mobile’s speaker volume, I do not know how to tune and was having problem listening to what people said clearly.”
As expected, the girls started to laugh.
Cat: “You don’t know how to change it?! Hahahahaha!!! Are you serious? You are a telecommunication engineer and you don’t know how to change the speaker volume? Haahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!! Give me your mobile.”
Me: “Hey, we engineer fix big things, not small puny stuff. Moreover, it is an audio issue, not my scope…”
The girls couldn't’t stop laughing… Cat took my mobile and did something secretly. After that, she passed me back my mobile and called me.
Cat: “Now, try it.”
Me; “God… How did you do it? I have been figuring for almost… Ermmm… Since I got this mobile. You know, I went through all the options and settings, yet I still can’t find it. How did you fix it?”
Cat: “Look, every mobile has this option and is just by the top right side of your handset.”
As I tried in total disbelief…
Me: “Shit… I have been wondering for sometime, what is the button for? I did try pressing the button gazillion times, but it didn’t do any good…”
Cat: “Ahahahahahahahaah~ Ya right! I can still remember you asked me the same question before, like six years ago.”
Me: “Are you sure? Hehehe... Thank you, cat.”
The girls continued to laugh. *cry…*
Cat: “What?”
Me: “… … Ermmm… Can you tell me how to change my mobile’s speaker volume, I do not know how to tune and was having problem listening to what people said clearly.”
As expected, the girls started to laugh.
Cat: “You don’t know how to change it?! Hahahahaha!!! Are you serious? You are a telecommunication engineer and you don’t know how to change the speaker volume? Haahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!! Give me your mobile.”
Me: “Hey, we engineer fix big things, not small puny stuff. Moreover, it is an audio issue, not my scope…”
The girls couldn't’t stop laughing… Cat took my mobile and did something secretly. After that, she passed me back my mobile and called me.
Cat: “Now, try it.”
Me; “God… How did you do it? I have been figuring for almost… Ermmm… Since I got this mobile. You know, I went through all the options and settings, yet I still can’t find it. How did you fix it?”
Cat: “Look, every mobile has this option and is just by the top right side of your handset.”
As I tried in total disbelief…
Me: “Shit… I have been wondering for sometime, what is the button for? I did try pressing the button gazillion times, but it didn’t do any good…”
Cat: “Ahahahahahahahaah~ Ya right! I can still remember you asked me the same question before, like six years ago.”
Me: “Are you sure? Hehehe... Thank you, cat.”
The girls continued to laugh. *cry…*
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
An end.
"Whats up?" said him.
"Do you wanna catch up for dinner?" I asked.
"... ... ... I don't feel like..." said him softly.
"Well, it is fine. I will see you around, bye." said I politely and ended our conversation.
It is him, my first ever crush.
I did love him many years ago and have always hope the best for him whenever I thought of him. Little that I thought we would meet again, as his baby sister told me that he would be heading back to Thailand early this year. So when I met him after couple of years later on the street of Melbourne, he recognised me and initiated the conversation, I was pretty happy and rather surprised to see him.
That point of time, I was thinking maybe lover not to be, while at least as a friend. Swiftly, we changed numbers and caught up for dinner. However since then, he has always turned me down when I asked him out for dinner, not once, not twice... *Hmmm... For matter of facts, I can't really remember anymore.* Were they intended or unintended? Regardless, the impression I got was simply that he is avoiding me. Thus, I decide to take this to an end.
I drop him a text message, "... Well, I know you feel uncomfortable to meet me as a friend. I will not contact you anymore... For you, all the best. Not hard feelings. :)".
Then, I deleted his number from my phone book without any hesitations.
I need not to please others nor be bothered by others who don't appreciate me. As Shimada Youshichi's Grandmother once said, "Even if there are two to three person dislike you, turn around, there are one hundred million people behind you. " I can't make everyone likes me nor will everyone dislikes me. *smile*
I thought I will feel at least some pinch of pain, but I didn't. Instead, I feel peace in heart and smiling while typing this entry. I guess I have grown so much. I can now better handle relationship, better than the green me I was years ago, months ago or even minutes ago. *smile*
Coming from the radio, "Loving you isn't the right thing to do... ... ... You can go you own way, go your own way..." as Kate sang... *smile*
"Do you wanna catch up for dinner?" I asked.
"... ... ... I don't feel like..." said him softly.
"Well, it is fine. I will see you around, bye." said I politely and ended our conversation.
It is him, my first ever crush.
I did love him many years ago and have always hope the best for him whenever I thought of him. Little that I thought we would meet again, as his baby sister told me that he would be heading back to Thailand early this year. So when I met him after couple of years later on the street of Melbourne, he recognised me and initiated the conversation, I was pretty happy and rather surprised to see him.
That point of time, I was thinking maybe lover not to be, while at least as a friend. Swiftly, we changed numbers and caught up for dinner. However since then, he has always turned me down when I asked him out for dinner, not once, not twice... *Hmmm... For matter of facts, I can't really remember anymore.* Were they intended or unintended? Regardless, the impression I got was simply that he is avoiding me. Thus, I decide to take this to an end.
I drop him a text message, "... Well, I know you feel uncomfortable to meet me as a friend. I will not contact you anymore... For you, all the best. Not hard feelings. :)".
Then, I deleted his number from my phone book without any hesitations.
I need not to please others nor be bothered by others who don't appreciate me. As Shimada Youshichi's Grandmother once said, "Even if there are two to three person dislike you, turn around, there are one hundred million people behind you. " I can't make everyone likes me nor will everyone dislikes me. *smile*
I thought I will feel at least some pinch of pain, but I didn't. Instead, I feel peace in heart and smiling while typing this entry. I guess I have grown so much. I can now better handle relationship, better than the green me I was years ago, months ago or even minutes ago. *smile*
Coming from the radio, "Loving you isn't the right thing to do... ... ... You can go you own way, go your own way..." as Kate sang... *smile*
Sunday, May 25, 2008
"... forever in each others arms."
"Are you interested in classical? I have two free tickets, do you want to come with me?", said Winnie.
"Yap, count me in." I promptly took up the offer.
It had been quite some while since my last visit to a classical concert. It is not that I have no more interest, simply because the ticket is often priced over what I am willing to afford. Doing the maths in mind... rent... groceries... transport... eating out... installment... new CD... new jacket... *Arrgghh... Bugger off!* Well, "Possshh!!!" there goes my spending killing off the idea of concert.
As the tickets were gift, we weren't expecting any good seats. Yet to our surprise, the seats were fantastic. We were given seats on the ground floor, seven rows back from the front seats. They are one of the best seats you will want to have. Flipping through the brochures, checking the ticket price... It was "Ahem! Not cheap at all!" and we got it for free. So, we were pretty happy. *smile*
The event is part of Music Viva National Concert Series, with Cheryl Barker, Peter Coleman-Wright and Piers Lane performing. "... The program was chosen carefully to encompass several significant periods in the genre, starting with the seminal contributions of Robert Schumann, Felix Mendelssohn and Hugo Wolf, then weaving through Richard Strauss, Johannes Brahms and Kurt Weil on the path to the world premier of Richard Mills' song cycle..." as written.
I have to say honestly that I wasn't in the concert all time. My mind was flicking in and out every now and then, and sometimes, I did feel bored, especially the first half and the world premiere performance of Mills' Songlines of the Heart's Desire... Not my cupcake.
Until, until I slowly recognised the fragments of Brahms' Piano Pieces, op 119. I could feel that my soul was drawn back to the present, to the concert hall, to my seat, to my body, listening to the melancholy yet gentle and smooth rhythm. Gloomy as it sounded, but I feel calmness and comfort in me.
When I thought that this would be the pace for the remaining pieces, I was amazed by the change. I was swiftly dragged into another dimension, into Weil's music with love, passion, laughter and hope, The Firebrand of Florence. As the couple sang, "... There'll be life, there'll be love, there'll be laughter, forever in each others arms."
I smiled.
I hope someday...
"Yap, count me in." I promptly took up the offer.
It had been quite some while since my last visit to a classical concert. It is not that I have no more interest, simply because the ticket is often priced over what I am willing to afford. Doing the maths in mind... rent... groceries... transport... eating out... installment... new CD... new jacket... *Arrgghh... Bugger off!* Well, "Possshh!!!" there goes my spending killing off the idea of concert.
As the tickets were gift, we weren't expecting any good seats. Yet to our surprise, the seats were fantastic. We were given seats on the ground floor, seven rows back from the front seats. They are one of the best seats you will want to have. Flipping through the brochures, checking the ticket price... It was "Ahem! Not cheap at all!" and we got it for free. So, we were pretty happy. *smile*
The event is part of Music Viva National Concert Series, with Cheryl Barker, Peter Coleman-Wright and Piers Lane performing. "... The program was chosen carefully to encompass several significant periods in the genre, starting with the seminal contributions of Robert Schumann, Felix Mendelssohn and Hugo Wolf, then weaving through Richard Strauss, Johannes Brahms and Kurt Weil on the path to the world premier of Richard Mills' song cycle..." as written.
I have to say honestly that I wasn't in the concert all time. My mind was flicking in and out every now and then, and sometimes, I did feel bored, especially the first half and the world premiere performance of Mills' Songlines of the Heart's Desire... Not my cupcake.
Until, until I slowly recognised the fragments of Brahms' Piano Pieces, op 119. I could feel that my soul was drawn back to the present, to the concert hall, to my seat, to my body, listening to the melancholy yet gentle and smooth rhythm. Gloomy as it sounded, but I feel calmness and comfort in me.
When I thought that this would be the pace for the remaining pieces, I was amazed by the change. I was swiftly dragged into another dimension, into Weil's music with love, passion, laughter and hope, The Firebrand of Florence. As the couple sang, "... There'll be life, there'll be love, there'll be laughter, forever in each others arms."
I smiled.
I hope someday...
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Grats, Jess!
Hello stranger!
Not often that I meet Jessica online. Well... This is actually the first time I see her online and I am quite surprised, especially at this point of time, almost 10pm.
She asks me to sit down and wants to tell me something. I am rather nervous and anxious, cannot wait for the news to break. As she types, "Conrad proposed to me."
At that very moment, I can feel her joy and cannot stop myself from smiling bubbly.
I am so happy for her and I can't remember how many "hugs" that I have typed, only to find her replying, "I will be suffocated in real life" *lol*
As she talks about the proposal, 200 balloons, orchid, rings, sobbing, shaking her hear, speechless... I share her happiness through each and single words she types. I can imagine and understand now when she said, "It was well executed."
I am very HAPPY for you, Jess. *smile*
Not often that I meet Jessica online. Well... This is actually the first time I see her online and I am quite surprised, especially at this point of time, almost 10pm.
She asks me to sit down and wants to tell me something. I am rather nervous and anxious, cannot wait for the news to break. As she types, "Conrad proposed to me."
At that very moment, I can feel her joy and cannot stop myself from smiling bubbly.
I am so happy for her and I can't remember how many "hugs" that I have typed, only to find her replying, "I will be suffocated in real life" *lol*
As she talks about the proposal, 200 balloons, orchid, rings, sobbing, shaking her hear, speechless... I share her happiness through each and single words she types. I can imagine and understand now when she said, "It was well executed."
I am very HAPPY for you, Jess. *smile*
In touch with the vegetarian me.
I picked up the habit of being a vegetarian once a week, since my days in Europe. For what reasons? For health? For diet? Honestly speaking, I cannot remember anymore and all I can recall now is that the vegetarian me was buried in the closet by myself subconsciously on some day. Again for what reason... *Hmmm...* I think I will blame the meat for being too tasty and seducing. Judging from the inch-thick of dust covering above the closet, it has been ages at least.
However today, the thought of being vegetarian for the day, break through the massive lock and crawl out of the closet. Having say so, I still have no idea how am I going to turn it into action. The fact that I am working in a suburban depot with limited, or should I say almost none food choice does not help. Standing in front of my opened fridge and hoping for a solution, does not help either. The only option I have in my mind, "Let's have a big bowl of muesli and fast for the remaining day!"
Just one of those weird days, waking up from the bed and wanting to do something different. Nonetheless, I do think today being Wesak and the recent earthquake disaster in Sichuan have some influence over it...
Morale was high, yet spirits drain as the stomach starts to groan fiercely. I can feel my saliva drooling down the throat... I am hungry. How can I survive without food? Why am I doing this to myself?
Just when I am considering to wave the big white surrender flag, while not caring about vegetarian or not anymore? Rohan suggests Lentil As Anything... There is a moment of silence in mind. So unusual of him... For the weeks that I have been with him, he has always had tuna sandwich and apple for lunch. Anyhow, I am not interested in finding out why. I am only keen in getting my food. I think somebody has heard me calling, calling for food. *smile* Thank YOU.
I have been hearing Rohan talking about Lentil As Anything for quite some time. It is a not for profit community organisation that operates as a restaurant. They serve nice organic vegetarian food with no price tag. Basically, you can pay what you feel like paying. Most of the staff from various background, refugees, new migrants, people with disabilities... The idea behind is really about providing an opportunity for those who are marginalised to integrate into the main stream. The thing that really gets me is the generosity, kindness and good faith behind the whole thing. It is a rare gem in a world that is so complicated these days...
Soon enough, Rohan and I were already sitting in the restaurant at St Kilda, munching food quietly and sipping the pineapple passion fruit drink.The curries are pretty nice and unique. Laying on the long plate, from the left is a typical Indian dish, cauliflower and potato mild curry, follows by beetroot curry and pumpkin curry, fusion style? The later two dishes are rather sweet type curries. They are pretty nice, especially when eat it with yogurt by the side of the plate. Nevertheless, I still prefer curries being hot, spicy and salty taste like. I am just too used to my Malaysian taste bud. I feel satisfied.
I am happy and delighted with my veggie plan for the day! *smile*
What is for dinner?
However today, the thought of being vegetarian for the day, break through the massive lock and crawl out of the closet. Having say so, I still have no idea how am I going to turn it into action. The fact that I am working in a suburban depot with limited, or should I say almost none food choice does not help. Standing in front of my opened fridge and hoping for a solution, does not help either. The only option I have in my mind, "Let's have a big bowl of muesli and fast for the remaining day!"
Just one of those weird days, waking up from the bed and wanting to do something different. Nonetheless, I do think today being Wesak and the recent earthquake disaster in Sichuan have some influence over it...
Morale was high, yet spirits drain as the stomach starts to groan fiercely. I can feel my saliva drooling down the throat... I am hungry. How can I survive without food? Why am I doing this to myself?
Just when I am considering to wave the big white surrender flag, while not caring about vegetarian or not anymore? Rohan suggests Lentil As Anything... There is a moment of silence in mind. So unusual of him... For the weeks that I have been with him, he has always had tuna sandwich and apple for lunch. Anyhow, I am not interested in finding out why. I am only keen in getting my food. I think somebody has heard me calling, calling for food. *smile* Thank YOU.
I have been hearing Rohan talking about Lentil As Anything for quite some time. It is a not for profit community organisation that operates as a restaurant. They serve nice organic vegetarian food with no price tag. Basically, you can pay what you feel like paying. Most of the staff from various background, refugees, new migrants, people with disabilities... The idea behind is really about providing an opportunity for those who are marginalised to integrate into the main stream. The thing that really gets me is the generosity, kindness and good faith behind the whole thing. It is a rare gem in a world that is so complicated these days...
Soon enough, Rohan and I were already sitting in the restaurant at St Kilda, munching food quietly and sipping the pineapple passion fruit drink.The curries are pretty nice and unique. Laying on the long plate, from the left is a typical Indian dish, cauliflower and potato mild curry, follows by beetroot curry and pumpkin curry, fusion style? The later two dishes are rather sweet type curries. They are pretty nice, especially when eat it with yogurt by the side of the plate. Nevertheless, I still prefer curries being hot, spicy and salty taste like. I am just too used to my Malaysian taste bud. I feel satisfied.
I am happy and delighted with my veggie plan for the day! *smile*
What is for dinner?
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